official rules for fantasy kick ball and wiffle ball
May 17, 2008 - 1:56 PM
Fantasy Kickball Rules and Regulations:
1. dress up like a unicorn or pegasus or minotaur or wizard or some shit.
2. Kick the ball with your foot. Or when applicable, your hoof.
3. Flying lead-offs are prohibited. This means you, Pegasus.
4. Wizards are limited to one magic spell per three innings.
5. Instead of the normal two visits, cyclops pitchers are allowed four visits to the mound by the manager per inning before they must be removed from the game. This is because cyclopses can't see too good.
6. If you are Mercury, a rolled kickball glancing off either foot wing shall be ruled a foul ball.
7. If you are the San Diego Chicken, a kickball making any contact with you shall be ruled a fowl ball.
8. If you are a giant letter A, E, I, O, or U, a kickball making any contact with you shall be ruled a vowel ball. In some cases, this rule also applies to the giant letter Y.
9. If you like shitty puns, you're welcome.
10. Giant Laser-Beam-Shooting MegaRobot 9000 can do whatever the hell he wants, including batting out of order, smashing foes, and committing credit-card fraud.
11. Throwing the ball at runners is permitted; if a runner is hit while they're not on base, they're out. Invisible Man, we really need you to go by the honor system here.
12. Hercules must replace all kickballs damaged by the power of his mighty kick.
13. Participants are encouraged to be pitchers rather than belly-itchers, and batters rather than broken ladders.
14. Reenactments of the film "Pterodactyl," starring Coolio, shall be strictly enforced.
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side games may include:
1. "peg a pegasus," in which you throw a kickball as hard as you can at someone dressed like a pegasus. this will probably be me.
2. "fantasy fantasy kickball," in which you draft players who play kickball and receive points based on their real in-game stats.
3. "50 centaur," the rapping man-horse.
4. "pipes of pan...demonium!" not sure what this is yet, i just like the sound of it.
courtesy of Tim Moynihan
